Guest Author Bio - L.B. Andrews
Lowell Brent (Andy) Andrews grew up in Fairview, Alabama, where he lived for 18 years.
LB joined the US Air Force in 1969 during the Vietnam War, meeting his beautiful wife
of forty years, Paulette, while stationed at Charleston AFB, South Carolina. He holds an
Associate’s degree in Applied Science from Wallace State College in Hanceville, Ala.
Since 1976, LB and Paulette have lived on Florida’s west coast in Pinellas County, where
Paulette worked for the Sheriff’s Department while LB worked for General Electric as an
Instrumentation Specialist before starting up his own business just after September 11,
2001.
But these days, LB has turned from writing high-tech reports to writing high-fiction
tales. “More fun,” he claims.
Several of LB’s tales are set in the Clearwater Beach / Tampa Bay area. The setting for
his newest novel titled Kill Bonnie is the sleepy Tampa suburb of Brandon, Florida. Kill
Bonnie will be available July 1st 2011 at the Kindle store for $4.99, and can be
purchased for other eBook readers at Smashwords.com. Kill Bonnie is the intriguing
story of sixty-two year old Betty Martin and her lifelong quest to avenge the crimes
committed against her family by Bonnie Simms, her childhood friend turned nemesis.
Nature Ride, a novella and LB’s first published work, is available at the Kindle store for
$2.99. It’s the story of soon to be twelve years old Jeremy Jenkins and family who brave
the heart-stopping and mysterious thrill ride everyone at school is yapping about.
Jeremy and family soon learn they are the first – and might be the last – to ride the
spookiest thrill ride conceived by man (or by the Devil himself). Nature Ride is a non-
stop, hair-raising thriller that’s simply perfect for the entire family.
LB Andrews has just begun to tell tall tales. He’s turned off his oscilloscope and turned
on his imagination. Nature Ride and Kill Bonnie are the first two batters up. According
to the author, Scotty Lancaster’s Curveball is in the hole and next up.
JackMeetsJill -- Smoke Signals
Written by: L.B. Andrews
Published: 8.8.11
King Jack was issuing a new proclamation to the gathered masses when the smoke signals started up from the hilltop across the way.
Queen Jill knew King Jack to be a cruel man. She watched him as he stood on the edge of the castle’s highest wall and addressed his subjects below. “I hereby decree that all subjects shall pay a new tax. The ones among you who refuse to pay shall die,” he proclaimed.
The queen watched as murmurs of discontent spread throughout the massive crowd. King Jack’s subjects mumbled and complained to each other of the sure death sentence, when suddenly the fervor calmed to quiet.
“Look! To the south!” someone yelled, pointing to a hill top across the valley.
“NO WAY,” a smoke signal came floating up.
“What is this?” demanded the King. “What meaning is ‘WAY’?”
King Jack’s court of wisdoms, advisors, wizards, soothsayers and Jester, gazed at the smoke signal as it drifted above yon hill. They quickly huddled to confer as the King stood waiting.
“We know not, King Jack,” the chief wizard admitted sheepishly with eyes down.
King Jack narrowed his eyebrows at the wizard when suddenly another smoke signal rose from the hill.
“FORGET IT,” drifted up into the clouds above the hill.
“WHAT THIS?!” the King demanded, as he strode to chief wizard. But chief wizard did not know and so lost his head with one slash from King Jack’s swift sword. Somebody at the rear of the court turned to his friend and quietly asked, “Can he not read?” His friend returned, “Right, the wizard can no longer read.”
“You’re Excellency! Look!” someone shouted.
“CHILL,” the new smoke signal said.
The court of King Jack drew down in horror as the king turned upon them to ask what the new smoke signal meant. As he raised his sword and opened his lips to condemn them he noticed their gaze drift from his face to the horizon beyond. He slowly turned.
“GET REAL,” the smoke signal said.
Furious, the King slung his sword and chopped off the two closest heads.
“WHAT?” he screamed to the remaining court. They stood poised to jump the wall and plunge to their deaths, when suddenly they straightened, once again looking past King Jack in horror.
“WHIMPO,” the smoke signal said.
King Jack whirled around and held up his sword as his eyes became fiery red.
“What is this meaning?” he demanded. After they briefly (very briefly) gazed at each other in horror, two of King Jack’s wizards along with three medicine men and four diviners, jumped over the castle wall in unison.
Although King Jack’s subjects down below could not read, they began to connect the smoke signals with the sudden increase in heads and bodies, and heads without bodies, coming over the castle wall.
“Smoke signal equals jumping bodies,” somebody summed up. Each time a new smoke signal appeared the crowd began to look for new human body parts to come flying over the wall. The crowd began to cheer this orderly and predictable process.
“POUND SALT,” the next smoke signal said.
“WHAT IS THIS POUND?” King Jack was furious. He swished his sword about, chopping off head after head cleanly.
By now, the entire court had turned its back on the horizon, unable to look at the smoke signals. But somebody peeked, and then read the next one aloud.
“JAM IT,” the smoke signal said.
“IS THIS AS JELLY?” the king demanded an answer. But before anyone dared answer, another one drifted up.
“TELL QUEEN JILL NO,” the smoke signal said.
Queen Jill was suddenly enraged. “You would do this? You would say NO to ME?” she asked King Jack, as the members of her court stepped forward and drew their swords on the King’s members. “Who is it there?” she asked pointedly. “Who tells King Jack what words to speak?”
King Jack leaped forward garnishing his sword at her. “Speak another word and it will be your last, my Queen!” He held the tip of his bloody sword at her throat.
“LOOK!” someone shouted, interrupting the Queen’s death.
“FAMILY COUNSELING AVAILABLE,” the smoke signal said.
The royal couple dismissed the message in unison. “I call councils,” King Jack told his wife. “And I the family,” she replied, as they gazed at the smoke signal with contempt and just as it changed again.
“JILL FANCIES JESTER,” the smoke signal said.
King Jack’s Jester suddenly bolted toward the wall and jumped to his death.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,” he screamed.
THUMP!
Jester would jest no more, nor ‘fancy’ the Queen – he was finished breathing too.
Queen Jill wept immediately upon hearing his fall.
“Ah hah!” King Jack shouted, as he drew back his sword. “He’s but a lowly Jester! A simple joke teller from the subjects! If you must betray me, find a more worthy man; one worthy of your head!”
King Jack sliced Queen Jill’s head from her shoulders with a mighty stroke.
But he was tiring of this game. He only needed a second to reach into his robe and press the thing called ‘button’.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
The smoke-signal-sending hill top suddenly exploded. When the air cleared, the entire hill was gone. “Ah shit,” groaned the disappointed subjects below, as they wandered off.
But the King strode away smiling. As he did, he returned the wink of the Jester’s wife, the prettiest and sexiest Neutron Bomb Engineer in his court.
Published: 8.8.11
King Jack was issuing a new proclamation to the gathered masses when the smoke signals started up from the hilltop across the way.
Queen Jill knew King Jack to be a cruel man. She watched him as he stood on the edge of the castle’s highest wall and addressed his subjects below. “I hereby decree that all subjects shall pay a new tax. The ones among you who refuse to pay shall die,” he proclaimed.
The queen watched as murmurs of discontent spread throughout the massive crowd. King Jack’s subjects mumbled and complained to each other of the sure death sentence, when suddenly the fervor calmed to quiet.
“Look! To the south!” someone yelled, pointing to a hill top across the valley.
“NO WAY,” a smoke signal came floating up.
“What is this?” demanded the King. “What meaning is ‘WAY’?”
King Jack’s court of wisdoms, advisors, wizards, soothsayers and Jester, gazed at the smoke signal as it drifted above yon hill. They quickly huddled to confer as the King stood waiting.
“We know not, King Jack,” the chief wizard admitted sheepishly with eyes down.
King Jack narrowed his eyebrows at the wizard when suddenly another smoke signal rose from the hill.
“FORGET IT,” drifted up into the clouds above the hill.
“WHAT THIS?!” the King demanded, as he strode to chief wizard. But chief wizard did not know and so lost his head with one slash from King Jack’s swift sword. Somebody at the rear of the court turned to his friend and quietly asked, “Can he not read?” His friend returned, “Right, the wizard can no longer read.”
“You’re Excellency! Look!” someone shouted.
“CHILL,” the new smoke signal said.
The court of King Jack drew down in horror as the king turned upon them to ask what the new smoke signal meant. As he raised his sword and opened his lips to condemn them he noticed their gaze drift from his face to the horizon beyond. He slowly turned.
“GET REAL,” the smoke signal said.
Furious, the King slung his sword and chopped off the two closest heads.
“WHAT?” he screamed to the remaining court. They stood poised to jump the wall and plunge to their deaths, when suddenly they straightened, once again looking past King Jack in horror.
“WHIMPO,” the smoke signal said.
King Jack whirled around and held up his sword as his eyes became fiery red.
“What is this meaning?” he demanded. After they briefly (very briefly) gazed at each other in horror, two of King Jack’s wizards along with three medicine men and four diviners, jumped over the castle wall in unison.
Although King Jack’s subjects down below could not read, they began to connect the smoke signals with the sudden increase in heads and bodies, and heads without bodies, coming over the castle wall.
“Smoke signal equals jumping bodies,” somebody summed up. Each time a new smoke signal appeared the crowd began to look for new human body parts to come flying over the wall. The crowd began to cheer this orderly and predictable process.
“POUND SALT,” the next smoke signal said.
“WHAT IS THIS POUND?” King Jack was furious. He swished his sword about, chopping off head after head cleanly.
By now, the entire court had turned its back on the horizon, unable to look at the smoke signals. But somebody peeked, and then read the next one aloud.
“JAM IT,” the smoke signal said.
“IS THIS AS JELLY?” the king demanded an answer. But before anyone dared answer, another one drifted up.
“TELL QUEEN JILL NO,” the smoke signal said.
Queen Jill was suddenly enraged. “You would do this? You would say NO to ME?” she asked King Jack, as the members of her court stepped forward and drew their swords on the King’s members. “Who is it there?” she asked pointedly. “Who tells King Jack what words to speak?”
King Jack leaped forward garnishing his sword at her. “Speak another word and it will be your last, my Queen!” He held the tip of his bloody sword at her throat.
“LOOK!” someone shouted, interrupting the Queen’s death.
“FAMILY COUNSELING AVAILABLE,” the smoke signal said.
The royal couple dismissed the message in unison. “I call councils,” King Jack told his wife. “And I the family,” she replied, as they gazed at the smoke signal with contempt and just as it changed again.
“JILL FANCIES JESTER,” the smoke signal said.
King Jack’s Jester suddenly bolted toward the wall and jumped to his death.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,” he screamed.
THUMP!
Jester would jest no more, nor ‘fancy’ the Queen – he was finished breathing too.
Queen Jill wept immediately upon hearing his fall.
“Ah hah!” King Jack shouted, as he drew back his sword. “He’s but a lowly Jester! A simple joke teller from the subjects! If you must betray me, find a more worthy man; one worthy of your head!”
King Jack sliced Queen Jill’s head from her shoulders with a mighty stroke.
But he was tiring of this game. He only needed a second to reach into his robe and press the thing called ‘button’.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
The smoke-signal-sending hill top suddenly exploded. When the air cleared, the entire hill was gone. “Ah shit,” groaned the disappointed subjects below, as they wandered off.
But the King strode away smiling. As he did, he returned the wink of the Jester’s wife, the prettiest and sexiest Neutron Bomb Engineer in his court.
Rights to individual stories belong to the author of that story. Infringement of these rights will be pursued.
