Published: 5.13.11

         Jill hated this stupid fucking art class.  It was a waste of her god damn time.  She had better things to be doing.  Like gouging her pretty blue eyes out with a mother fucking sculpting knife.  Fuck.
        But, her mom dropped her off after school and before tutoring every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  Except every other Friday when her mom was busy “going to the dentist” to get some drilling done. 
        But the dentist wasn’t drilling teeth.  Jill knew that.
        Today in the stupid fucking art class they were sketching from nude models.  Nude.  And not even hot nude guys.  Overweight people.  Not like, need a wheelchair overweight.  But, like… ugh.  It was just gross. 
        And weird.  God, was it weird.  If it wasn’t weird in the first place, it was weird because everyone wore black sweatbands over their eyes.  The models.  Not the artists.  It made Jill feel like they were sketching kidnapped people.
        Jill counted the seconds until the stupid fucking art class was over.  And tonight, there were fewer seconds in their two-hour class than normal.
        “Alright, class.  I’ve got an exhibit showing tonight at Perfect Pour.  The coffee shop across from the Starbucks, caddy corner to the Coffee Bean and one block down from the Walgreens.  Extra credit to anyone who shows!”
        And they were off.  No one went to the exhibit that night.  Not just from the class.  No one went.  At all.  And the teacher hung himself from a piece of installation art in his home by week’s end.  Jill heard about it at her high school reunion twenty-five years later.
        Now, what would Jill do with her stolen half hour?  Jill had a bit of time before her mom came to get her.  She could go to the Coffee Bean in the Kroger’s two blocks down, or walk around the Claire’s in that mall with only like four stores left in it, or she could just run over to that McDonald’s, grab a twenty piece nugget and veg out.  Mmmm.  That sounded great.
        God, her mother would kill her if she found out.  She’d have to go quick.

        In a corner booth, facing the wall and making eye contact with absolutely no one, Jill stared down at her nuggets.  Nineteen left.  Why did she eat that first one?  She should have stopped.  She should have thrown the rest out.
        “Hey.”
        “Fuck!”  Jill almost jumped out of her fucking seat.  Jesus.  Jill looked over to see an overweight kid her age sitting at the next booth over.  This is the last thing Jill needed right now.  She had about – looks to watch – thirteen minutes until her impeccably punctual mother showed up to class and Jill was half a block away.  “What?”
        “Are you one of those chicks that can taste the food if you stare at it hard enough?  You don’t have to eat, you just look.  All the satisfaction with none of the calories?”
        “God, I wish.”  Jill was not that girl.  And she had the late night, two thousand calorie burning workouts to prove it.
        “What are you up to tonight?”
        “I’m sorry, are you seriously trying to pick me up in a fucking McDonald’s?”  The guy looked around – what is this girl’s deal?
        “I could not pick you up.  I am incredibly weak.”  Jill laughed.  And then caught herself.  Embarrassed, she looked back down to her nineteen little calorie chunks. 
        “You look incredibly familiar.  Do I know you?  Do you frequent this McDonald’s?”
        “What?  No.  I’ve never been here.  I’m just waiting for my ride.” 

        She didn’t look like a girl who came to places like this very often.  But, he was a guy who did frequent these joints.  Only food he could afford on his penny salary.  As his wallet grew slimmer, his waistline grew thicker.  But the guy didn’t know Jill from McDonald’s.  He didn’t know her at all.  But, he’d seen her.

        “You’re wearing Velcro shoes.”
        “Fuck.”
        The guy looked down.  He knew he wore Velcro shoes.  Jill could tell by the way he looked.  She could also tell how embarrassed he was.
        “I’m sorry.  That was rude.”  Jill threw down a nugget with precision and speed.
        “No.  It’s fine.”  The guy moved his fingers with a fumbling confusion.  “I lost most of my hand motor skills in a car accident as a baby.”
        “Who let you drive when you were a baby?”  This time the guy had to laugh.
        “My babysitter was driving.  Anyway, I can’t really write, use a fork, tie my shoe laces, that kind of stuff.”
        “That’s so shitty.  Seriously, that sucks.”  It did suck.  But, it made Jill feel better in a fucked up, dizzy way.
        “It’s not so bad.”  Jill looked to her watch.
        “Shit.  Shit shit shit.  I have to go.”  Jill stood, contemplating her tray of eighteen faux chicken puffs.  What a waste of four dollars.  “Do you want these nuggets?”
        “No, I’m good.”
        “Alright, I have to go.  Bye.”  As Jill turned to leave, she suddenly felt a twinge of something.  She wasn’t in love.  No way.  This isn’t a movie.  But, she wanted to keep talking to this guy.  So, she turned.
        “Do you come here often?”
        “Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.”  Jill contemplated this.  Weird coincidence.
        “I’m Jill.”
        “Haha.  That’s funny.”
        “Why?”
        “I’m Jack.”
        “Weird.”
        “Totally.”
        “Alright, see you later, Jack.”  As Jill rushed back down the block, she thought about how she might come back.  Skip out one day and see the guy from McDonald’s.

        And as the guy grabbed Jill’s extra nuggets and gobbled them up, he pulled the black sweatband out from under his hoodie.  And he smiled, thinking of peeking out from under his sweatband, looking at the girl named Jill.
        He knew he could never score a girl as hot as Jill, but he’d been naked in the same room as her. 

        That’s something to write in his blog for sure.